


The Devil Does Movies!

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: The Devil Loves to Knit [9]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chloe is dense, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Lucifer is a dork, Lucifer knits questionable things, Movie References, Weaponizer and Findus, Weaponizer is a troublemaker, crack fic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-23 11:51:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10718820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: Lucifer tries to reenact scenes from a few movies in order to impress Chloe, but it doesn’t go well.  Meanwhile, Chloe struggles with her feelings for Lucifer.Sequel to “Solicitude at the Devil’s Dwelling.”Just a little humor and fluff before S2x14, because we'll all need it.  :)





	1. How to Impress Chloe?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonatoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonatoms/gifts), [titC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/gifts).



> A huge THANK YOU to moonatoms and titC for your wonderful friendship, support, encouragement, and the excellent translations. You are both awesome! :D
> 
> And thank you so very much to everyone who’s been so enthusiastic about this fluffy series -- you are all awesome!
> 
> Wanted to get this out, so it’s a little rough around the edges and has not been beta-ed -- sorry about that! I apologize for all mistakes.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker, Linda Martin and Dan Espinoza are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice. Findus and Weaponizer are my creations (although their names are not). :-)

 

 

Lucifer Morningstar sat on the couch in the house he had bought in Malibu and tried to figure out the enigma that was Chloe Decker.

Following their accidental kiss after the animals tripped them up, Chloe avoided him like the plague for the rest of the weekend.  He didn’t understand it.  She had seemed happy that they had kissed -- well, perhaps not happy, but not regretful either -- but then she stayed away from him.  Any time he tried to get her alone, he found himself with either the little spawn or the animals to contend with.

The whole situation was quite frustrating.  He wanted... he wanted --  He threw up his arms in disgust.  He didn’t know what he wanted.  Then again, he didn’t know what she wanted either.  All he knew was that he wanted to be with her, for she was his everything... whatever that meant.

Running a hand through his hair, he watched the animals frolic around the indoor pool and wondered why his life couldn’t be as idyllic as theirs.  Weaponizer seemed to know exactly what he wanted -- the little kitten, Findus, who he followed around like a lovesick calf -- and she loved him right back.  The fallen angel frowned.  Why couldn’t Chloe adore  _ him _ like Findus adored Weaponizer?

As Lucifer mulled over his thoughts, the penguin caught his attention.  Weaponizer waddled up the grippy custom ramp of the inflatable water slide until he reached the top, then honked like a triumphant gladiator to his girlfriend.  Glancing up from the other side of the pool, Findus meowed as she watched her boyfriend jump like a cliff diver onto the slide and slip quickly into the water like a torpedo.  In a matter of seconds, he exploded out of the pool to land next to the kitten, splashing water on her.  With a screech, Findus dashed away to the bedrooms, leaving her penguin boyfriend behind.

A wry smile touched Lucifer’s face.  Well, maybe things were not as idyllic for the animals as they seemed.

Mouth hanging open, Weaponizer turned to the fallen angel with a stunned look on his face as he popped to his feet.  Rolling his eyes, Lucifer rose from the couch and walked over to the penguin shaking water off of his feathers.  He bent down and scratched the little bird’s head, evoking a trill of pleasure.

“Right.  You’d get further along with her if you didn’t keep splashing her with water.”

Craning his neck to look up at Lucifer, Weaponizer opened his beak and stared at him with what the fallen angel could only describe as a bewildered expression.

“She doesn’t like getting wet.  You should realize that by now.”

The penguin studied him for a few more seconds before honking -- quite defiantly, in Lucifer’s opinion -- then waddling off in search of his girlfriend.

“Fine, don’t believe me!” the fallen angel called after him.  Shaking his head, he wandered back to the couch and threw himself upon it.  The silly bird was so stubborn! Why couldn’t he see that he was annoying Findus?

A thought popped into Lucifer’s brain, making him sit at attention.  Wait a minute!  Was he annoying Chloe? Was that why she kept running away from him?

As soon as he had the thought, he laughed it off.  There was no way that she could be annoyed with him -- why, he was perfection itself!  He was charming, helped her with her work, and cooked for her.  What more could she want?  Rolling the question around in his head, he concluded that what she needed was more sexy times!

Grabbing his knitting basket, he pulled out his needles and a ball of yarn.  But what to make?  Suddenly struck by inspiration, he grinned as he started to knit.

After fifteen minutes, Findus made her way over to him, with boyfriend in tow.  Studying the yarn spanning from the basket to the needles, she reached up and tried to snag it with her paws.

“Right.  Stop that -- yarn is not a toy,” Lucifer admonished as he continued to knit.  When she didn’t stop, he sighed, leaned down and lifted her to his side.  “Stubborn, aren’t you?”  She merely curled into his side and rested her chin on his leg.

Weaponizer squawked in protest, strutting in front of the fallen angel like a peacock and demanding to be lifted onto the couch.  Rolling his eyes, Lucifer picked up the penguin and placed him next to the kitten, where they cuddled.  “Bloody bird thinks I’m his butler,” he muttered with disgust.

Finally getting down to business, it didn’t take him too long to make his items -- this time a G-string in the shape of an elephant’s head for him, and a sexy bikini for Chloe.  He was quite proud of the result.  He showed the bikini to Findus.

“Well, what do you think?” he asked, pride evident in his voice.

As the little kitten cocked her head, studying it, Weaponizer suddenly dashed over and grabbed the G-string.  Leaping off the couch, he landed on his feet and danced with it.

“Bloody hell --”

As Lucifer got to his feet to chase down the bird, the penguin put the underwear on his head.  Honking happily, he ran around in a circle, looking like he was wearing an elephant mask, before tripping on the G-string.  With an angry squawk, he started yanking at the yarn.

“No, stop it!  That’s my hard work --”  As the fallen angel tried to pull his project away from the penguin, he glanced over to see Findus tearing Chloe’s bright red knitted bikini to shreds.  With a curse, he dropped the G-string and hurried back to the couch, where he wrenched the red knitted pieces from the kitten.

Once he had rescued what was left of the bikini, he turned to see that Weaponizer had dashed off with the G-string.  “Oy!”  Taking off after the penguin, he was appalled to see the bird heading for the bathroom.  “No.  No no  _ nononono --” _

He reached the bathroom just as the bird dropped the G-string into the toilet.  “Bloody hell!”  Nonstop curses flowed from his mouth as he fished his hard work out of the bowl and threw it in the trashcan.  Scrubbing his hands with soap and hot water helped him get his temper under control -- well, sort of.  Many long minutes passed before he could compose himself enough to actually speak.  “You evil bird!  Why did you do that?  I’ll have you know that took a long time for me to think up --”

Weaponizer opened his beak in a semblance of a grin and honked at him before hopping away.  Lucifer flung up his arms and rolled his eyes.  The animals were going to be the death of him -- well, if he  _ could _ die....

Storming back to the couch, the fallen angel picked up his red yarn and started knitting furiously.  He had just gotten the bikini bottom finished when Findus grabbed it out of his hands, leaped off the couch and proceeded to shred it into little bits.  In seconds it became a nest for the two animals.

Rubbing his forehead in frustration, Lucifer gave up.  Obviously, the animals did not approve of sexy times with the detective.  Frowning, he leaned forward on the couch, with his elbow propped up on his knee and his chin resting on his fist.

If he couldn’t knit sexy lingerie, how else was he to impress Chloe so that she would be overwhelmed by his awesomeness and realize what a fine catch he was?  Squeezing his eyes shut and gritting his teeth, he scrubbed his scalp in frustration.  Nothing was coming to mind!

Right.  What he needed was professional help.

Setting his knitting aside, he scooped up the animals and headed out the front door.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“Ohhhh, you’re such a good little penguin, aren’t you?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes as he watched Doctor Linda cuddle the bird, who cooed and rubbed against her.  Findus, meanwhile, had taken up her usual perch on the fallen angel’s head, and no amount of tugging could get her off.  Sighing, he ran a hand over his face.  Perhaps he shouldn’t have brought the animals.

“Shouldn’t we be talking about  _ me?” _ he asked for the fifth time.

“Huh?  Oh, yeah.”  Linda straightened her glasses but kept a hold of Weaponizer.  “So... what is it you came to see me about?”

The fallen angel felt like throwing something, having already told the therapist a number of times what he needed help with.  Taking a deep breath and trying to find some patience -- of which he had none, since he was the Devil -- Lucifer tried again.  “Right.  I want to impress the detective, but I don’t know how to go about it.”

Nodding, the therapist cradled the penguin in her arms like a baby, making the fallen angel wonder if he had her full attention.  “I see.  And why do you feel the need to impress Chloe?”

He grinned wickedly.  “Well, I think that should be fairly obvious, Doctor.”  At Linda’s blank stare, he closed his eyes and ground out, “I want to have sex with her.”

“And...?”

It was Lucifer’s turn to stare blankly.  “And...?  There has to be an ‘and’?”

The therapist gave him an intent look.  “Have you ever wanted to impress any of your other acquaintances?”

Why was it suddenly warm in the room?  Reaching over to the pitcher on the coffee table, the fallen angel poured himself a glass of water.  “Well, no....”

“And yet, you want to with Chloe.”

“Well, yes.”

“Why?”

“Why?   _ Why?!” _  Lucifer flung his arms out as he rolled his eyes.  “Because my charms don’t work on her!  She doesn’t see me as anything but...  _ normal.” _  Sweeping his hand along the length of his body, he glared indignantly at Linda.  “How can she possibly think that  _ this _ is  _ normal? _  Doesn’t she see the glorious splendor that is me?”

The blonde woman shook her head.  “Lucifer, looks aren’t everything --”

“But  _ look _ at me!  I’m  _ perfect! _  Why can’t she see that I’m special?”

Pushing her glasses up her nose, the therapist sighed, then cuddled the penguin in her arms.  “Why is it so important that she sees you as special?”

“Because... because....”  The fallen angel fell silent, looking away before drinking his water.  When he swung his gaze back to Linda, he gave her a lascivious grin.  “I want to have sex with her --”

“So if you had meaningless sex with her -- a one night stand -- you would be happy?”

“Yes... no.”  He bit his lower lip.  “I don’t just want a one night stand with her.  I want to be... close to her.  Protect her.  Give her everything she desires.  I want...”  He flung up his hands.  “I don’t  _ know _ what I want.”

Linda leaned forward and smiled gently.  “My guess is that you’re experiencing deep feelings for Chloe -- deeper than you ever had with anyone else.”

Snorting, he crossed his arms as a shaft of fear speared through him.  The very idea scared him to the marrow of his bones.  Whenever he felt deeply about someone, it always ended poorly.  “You’re being ridiculous, Doctor.”

“Am I?”  Cocking her head, she studied him carefully.  “Tell me, what do you feel when you see her?”

He struggled to hide his anxiety.  “Does it matter what I feel?”

“It matters.”

Realizing he couldn’t escape, he rubbed his forehead.  “I... don’t know.  I don’t know what I feel.  Kind of... bubbly inside, but sometimes I feel that with the little spawn, which is disturbing.”

“Lucifer, it’s not disturbing --”

“Of  _ course _ it’s disturbing!”  He suddenly straightened in his seat, startling the little kitten, who jumped down onto his lap.  “I don’t want bubbly feelings with the little human -- i just want to have bubbly feelings with the detective!  Tell me how I can impress her, so that we can have sexy times --”

Linda sighed with frustration.  “Lucifer, stop hiding.  Life is not all about sexy times --”

The Devil suddenly broke out into a huge grin.  “I beg to differ -- your human culture is  _ all _ about sexy times!  I mean, look at your movies, Doctor!”

“Movies?”

“Yes!”  Enthusiasm laced his voice as he ticked off films on his fingers, one by one.  “Cafe Flesh!  The Opening of Misty Beethoven!  Flesh Gordon!  Upload!”

Hanging her head, the therapist covered her eyes.  “Lucifer, those movies are all porn --”

He blinked.  “Is there any other kind?”

“Yes, there are romantic comedies, action, drama -- but that’s beside the point.”  She tilted her head at him, her eyes narrowed.  “Life isn’t a movie, Lucifer --”

A light bulb suddenly turned on in Lucifer’s head.  His eyes grew wide with excitement.  “You’re right, life  _ isn’t _ a movie!”

“I’m glad you see that --”

“But if I want to impress the detective, I have to make it so!”  He heard Linda groan, but surely that was because she hadn’t thought of the idea first...?  “Thank you, Doctor -- you’re the best!”

Unable to hide his elation, he grabbed the animals and dashed out the door.  Now that he had a plan, the detective wouldn’t be able to be anything  _ but _ impressed!

 

 


	2. A New Hope

 

 

Lucifer drove back to the Malibu house and deposited the animals by the pool before heading to the couch and throwing himself upon it.  The conversation with Linda had scared him.  He didn’t want to have deep feelings for Chloe -- he just wanted to impress her and have sex!

Didn’t he?

The urge to pull out his hair was overwhelming.  Mussing it up instead, he tried to get a handle on the pesky emotions troubling him.  Why didn’t he know what he wanted?!  Turmoil, like a mass of writhing snakes in a basket, filled his brain.  Why couldn’t he get his thoughts straight?  Why were his desires suddenly so complicated?!

Taking a deep breath, he decided to take things one at a time.  Right.  Impress the detective first.  After he overwhelmed her with his awesomeness and had sex with her, he could figure out exactly what he wanted... right?

With that firmly in his mind, he thought hard about her.  What movies could he bring to life for her?  Which ones would best impress her so that she would have sex with him?

Thinking hard, he tried to recall the latest movies he had seen, and realized it was porn, porn, and more porn.  Not that he’d mind having porn relations with Chloe -- actually, that excited him quite a bit! -- but he didn’t think she would be pleased if he did a naked sexy dance in front of her in the precinct.  Well, not yet, at least.  Besides, the animals had said a definite “no” to sexy times... and Chloe would most likely slap his face.  With a sigh, he tried to remember a movie that he really enjoyed that had... well, human relations in it.

Star Wars?  It was a classic.  Hmmmm...  Luke Skywalker had gotten a kiss from Princess Leia when he had swung her across the chasm in the Death Star in Episode IV.  True, the princess ended up being his sister, but maybe it could still work with him and the detective?  Not the sister bit, but... the rope swing?  He could, of course, use Han Solo as a model, but he really didn’t want to be encased in carbonite just to get a kiss from the detective.

The only problem was that there weren't any chasms to go swinging across, unless he took her to the Grand Canyon -- and even there the fissure was a little too wide to swing across.  Folding his arms and staring up at the ceiling, he tried to think of a suitable alternative that would work.

The other problem was that there weren’t any stormtroopers to chase them.  He could always find some bad guys and arrange for a shootout, but Lucifer didn’t want Chloe to get hurt.  Come to think of it, he really didn’t want to get shot either, since he was mortal around her.  That would completely defeat the purpose of this whole exercise.

So... what to do?

He turned to watch the animals as he tried to figure out a plan.  As Findus leaped from rock to rock on the far side of the pool, an idea struck him, and he grinned.  Now it was just a matter of finding the right location....

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Chloe sighed, wishing she was better at... well, flirting.

These days, the more she saw of Lucifer, the more she realized that she was falling in love with him.  He was kind, funny, protective -- maybe too protective -- and thoughtful.  He got along well with Trixie and the animals.  And although at times he was quite childish, he was kind of adorable, and just... just... well... so damn _squeezable._  She wanted to hug him like a giant plushy toy.

But... she couldn’t run around doing that, could she?

And now, thanks to that accidental kiss, her stupid admission and these silly feelings of hers, she didn’t know how to act around him.  Although he seemed to like her with all of the sex talk, Lucifer was like that with everybody.  Maybe he was just being... Lucifer?  He probably didn’t feel anything for her -- most likely she was projecting her own desires onto him.  If she wasn’t careful, she’d scare him off by coming on too strong, and lose him as a partner.

So she did what she did best in situations like this.  She avoided him.

Afraid that he could see the desire in her eyes, she looked at the floor or just over his left shoulder.  As insurance to keep from making a fool of herself, she made sure Trixie or the animals were always around.  And she tried to act normally -- although she found herself tongue-tied around him.

It was awful.  She felt like a high school sophomore trying to flirt with a senior star quarterback.

Why was she so awkward?!  She was a cop, dammit, and a fine one at that.  She had been married and even starred in a movie!  Okay, so the movie wasn’t the best movie, but still!  She should be as cool and smooth as... well, Lucifer!

But... she wasn’t.

Blowing a stray lock of hair from her face in frustration, she tried to concentrate on the file in front of her.  Thankfully it was a paperwork day, so her squeezable colleague wasn’t at work.  The longer she was away from him, the more she could get herself under control.  He was her partner, for crying out loud -- she shouldn’t be making goo-goo eyes at him!  No, their relationship had to stay strictly business.  Nodding, she told herself that a platonic relationship was the way to go.  These stupid high school feelings were something she could do without.  Besides, she already had one failed relationship behind her.  There was no need to make it two, for Lucifer and his womanizing ways were a disaster for any woman in her right mind.  Yes, yes, that was right.  Taking a deep breath, she returned her attention to the report she had begun writing.

“Detective!”  Lucifer’s voice rang out across the bull pen.

Oh god, _no._  What was he doing here?

Chloe’s heart stopped for a beat before pounding painfully in her chest as heat rushed into her cheeks.  Clenching her hands into fists to keep them from trembling, she tried to still the butterflies in her stomach.  Oh god, what to do, what to do --

Keep calm.  Yes.  She could do that.

_We’re just friends,_ she repeated in her head like a litany.   _Just friends._

Struggling for composure, she kept her eyes on her monitor as he walked up.  “Hey, Lucifer.  What are you doing here?”

Much to her surprise, he didn’t sit down in the chair across from her.  Instead he rounded her desk and stood beside her, rocking on his heels.  As he approached her, she glanced up at him -- a mistake, for he looked even more handsome with his eyes bright with mischief and a happy smile on his face.  The butterflies batted their wings furiously in her stomach.  Dammit, why did she look at him?

“Detective, you must come with me.”

Her eyebrows raised as she gazed at his shining eyes.  “Why?”

“Because it’s of the utmost importance.”  Lucifer looked like he was going to have a heart attack if she didn’t do as he asked.  The excitement radiating off of him was infectious, piquing her curiosity.  “Come on, Detective!”

Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.  “Are you in some sort of trouble?”

“Oh no, nothing of the sort, but....”  Like a little kid, he shifted from foot to foot.  “Come on, Detective -- you’re doing nothing but boring paperwork, anyway --”

“I have to work on this report.”

“But it’s boring!”  Planting a hand on her desk, he leaned in close and gazed earnestly at her.  "Come with me."

Butterflies fluttered wildly in her stomach at his nearness.  Planting her eyes over his left shoulder, she tried to control the sudden heat rushing to her cheeks, as well as quell the urge to reach out and hug him like a giant plushy toy.

“Please, Detective.”

It was the “please” that did her in.  Cursing inwardly, she took a deep breath.  “Well, I suppose it’s almost lunch... but I have to come back as soon as we’re done.”

“Of course, unless we find something _better_ to do...?”  He looked at her with hopeful puppy dog eyes that smoldered in a hot, passionate, non-puppy dog way.

Not trusting her tongue, she got to her feet and followed him out of the precinct.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“Lucifer, what are we doing up here?”

Chloe glanced around at the main roof of the Westin Bonaventure Hotel, staying well away from the edge.  The building wasn’t anywhere near the height of some of the skyscrapers in Los Angeles, but thirty-five stories was more than high enough for her.  The wind buffeted her, pulling stray blonde locks from her tight bun and whipping them around her face.

Her partner broke out in a blinding grin as he confidently walked near the ledge.  “We’re going to swing from here to one of the lower towers below!”

_What?!_  Did he just say...?

“What the hell are you talking about?”  Taking a few steps toward the tall man, Chloe faltered when she saw him pick up a climbing rope, tied off to a metal structure attached to the roof.  “Lucifer, you’re not serious, are you?”

“It occurred to me that you need some excitement in your life, like Princess Leia in A New Hope --”

She gaped -- she couldn’t help it.  Had he completely lost his mind?  “I have plenty of excitement.  I’m a cop --”

“But here’s your chance to do something out of the ordinary!”  His eyes sparkled like diamonds.  “Come on, Detective, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“Lucifer, Star Wars is a movie --”

“And your life could be one as well.”  He walked up to her, his expression full of exuberance.  “How about it?”

Oh.  So that’s what this was all about.  It was a joke -- he was teasing her, making fun of her staid life.  Frustration bloomed within her, burning her insides with bitterness.  Okay, so her life wasn’t filled with shoot-outs -- in fact the days of paperwork and running down leads far outweighed those when she actually apprehended someone -- but did he have to make fun of her for it?

“Oh sure, Lucifer.”  Sarcasm dripped from her voice.  “Just sweep me off my feet and swing me around.  Sure.”

“Splendid!”  He broke out into a huge grin before a steamy look crossed his face.  “A kiss for luck?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  Let’s go --”

“As you wish!”

Lucifer’s arm suddenly snaked around her waist as he pulled her off her feet, and before she knew it, Lucifer was running, half-carrying her toward the edge of the roof.  She didn’t have a chance to do anything but scream as he leaped over the ledge and into space.  Her stomach dropped as they flew weightless, with thirty-five stories of air below them, before they started to fall.  Clutching Lucifer in a death grip, she hid her face against him as the world rushed past.

The rope finally pulled taut, catching their weight.  Time seemed to stop as they arced across the side of the building toward the shorter tower... and then they were on the lower roof, safe and sound.

Lucifer immediately let her go, then caught her as her legs buckled.  Her mind was still reeling.  He had really leaped off of a building with her in his arms, without wearing any safety gear or harness or anything...!

Taking huge gulps of air, she couldn’t believe that they were both still alive.  Her legs felt like noodles, and while she was thankful to be in one piece, anger at her partner’s recklessness started to build within her.

“What the _hell_ was that?!” she yelled -- or tried to yell.  Her shaky voice came out as a faint whisper.

“We were like Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia swinging across the chasm in the the Death Star, wouldn’t you agree?” Lucifer crowed as he held her close.  “You said you wanted to go, so we went.”  His voice grew warm with pride.  “I must say, Detective, you are so very brave!  You never cease to amaze me.  Thrill me.  Fill me with such --”

“Will.  You.  Shut.  Up.”  Chloe closed her eyes as she tried not to feel the reassuring warmth of his arms around her, letting her know that she was alive.  Goddamn it, she was so hopping mad at him!  “Are you _insane?”_

“I beg your pardon?”  He cocked his head at her, looking adorable in his confusion.

Wrenching herself from his embrace -- which wasn’t easy, considering she was still scared out of her mind -- she staggered away a few paces.  “Are.  You.   _Insane?!”_

“I’m perfectly sane.  Why?”

“You just jumped off a building!”

“You told me to sweep you off your feet --”

“I was being sarcastic!”

His face fell.  “You... you weren’t serious?”

Flinging up her arms and rolling her eyes, she could only sputter at him.

“But surely... surely you’re dazzled by my awesomeness?”  His eyes were hopeful as he gazed at her.  “I think our jump was far more breathtaking than Luke Skywalker’s --”

Stunned, she gaped at him before anger gave her back her voice. “This is _not_ a movie, you are _not_ Luke Skywalker and I am _not_ Princess Leia!  We are on the roof of the Bonaventure Hotel, not in some giant Death Star!  And if you ever -- _ever_ \-- do something like this to me again, I will tear you limb from limb, disembowel you, and stomp all over your innards.  And then I will _kill you._  Got it?”

Not waiting for him to reply, she stormed to the elevator doghouse and stabbed the call button.  

“Why are you mad, Detective?  Was it the lack of stormtroopers?” he called after her.  “Should I have hired them to chase us?”

Letting out a strangled scream, she marched into the elevator car and left him behind.

 

 


	3. Love, Actually

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to moonatoms and titC for the excellent translations! You both ROCK!!

 

 

Lucifer sat on the couch in the Malibu house, feeling more than a little depressed.  His surprise for the detective had backfired in the worst way.  Instead of bestowing upon him a kiss and sex, Chloe refused to talk to him for the rest of the day, no matter how much he apologized to her.  To make matters worse, she kept her eyes fixed on something behind him, over his left shoulder.  That unfocused gaze made him want to constantly check behind him to see what she was looking at.  

True, she had gone an unnatural shade of -- well, white -- after the jump, but they had successfully landed on the lower roof like he knew they would, so he couldn’t understand why she was so upset.  Why wasn’t she impressed?  They should be having riotous sex right now!

Turning to the little animals sitting next to him, he frowned.  “Well, Star Wars didn’t work.  What do you scamps suggest?”

Findus yawned as Weaponizer cuddled with her.  Lucifer stared down at them in disgust.  Oh, sure, they didn’t care about him, since they were perfectly happy!  Never mind that the detective wouldn’t even look at him!

With a sigh, Lucifer rose to his feet and started walking toward the spare bedroom.  Perhaps the television with its cable programming could give him some ideas of what to do.  Not to be left behind, the animals roused and followed him, with Weaponizer honking at his heels.

When he settled himself on the bed, propping himself against the headboard with his legs stretched out, Findus jumped up to join him there.  As the fallen angel turned on the television, Weaponizer started squawking nonstop, so loud that Lucifer couldn’t hear himself think.

“You bloody bird, will you please calm down?” he snapped as he picked up the penguin and set him on the bed.

The bird immediately walked all over him to get to the kitten, causing the fallen angel to roll his eyes.  He didn’t get any respect from the detective _or_ the animals!  Sighing heavily, he shifted his attention to the program on the telly.

The film “Love, Actually” was just starting.  Both animals turned to watch the program unfolding on the screen.  Lucifer sniffed disdainfully -- he wasn’t in the mood for a romantic comedy -- but when he lifted the remote to change the channel, Weaponizer pecked at his hand until he dropped the device.

“Seriously?  You can’t possibly want to watch this --”

Findus crawled onto his lap -- right where his wedding tackle was -- and started to knead his trousers.  Wincing, Lucifer relocated her onto his legs.  Not that he had any pain -- luckily the detective was nowhere near, otherwise his wedding tackle might have been damaged -- but it was just more comfortable for her to sit elsewhere.  Curling herself into a ball, the kitten snuggled between his thighs and purred softly.  Unbidden, the fallen angel found himself stroking her soft fur.  Weaponizer squeezed beside the kitten for some pets as well, and cooed.

Lucifer considered moving Findus to the side of the bed, but whenever he tried to shift her off his lap, she dug her claws into him.  Quite obviously she wanted to stay where she was.  And when he tried to change the channel, Weaponizer put up such a ruckus that the fallen angel gave up.  Rolling his eyes, he watched the movie.

Well, maybe the animals had the right idea, for the movie wasn’t bad.  A bit... well, sappy for his taste, and somewhat depressing at times, but oddly enough, he enjoyed it.  As he watched, he gathered ideas to try on the detective.  Surely she would forgive him if he plied her with some of these cheesy moves?  Maybe she’d be impressed by his knowledge of the movie and be bowled over by his awesomeness?  And then... sexy times?

Smiling, he began to make plans.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The next day, Chloe tried to make inroads into all of the reports she had to finish -- there were so many, and she was so behind.  That little stunt of Lucifer’s the day before had rattled her so badly that even though she tried to work, she hadn’t been able to concentrate.  It didn’t help that Mister I-didn’t-do-anything-wrong-and-why-are-you-so-mad-at-me Morningstar kept giving her the sad labrador retriever look that pulled on her heartstrings.  Thankfully he wasn’t anywhere to be seen today, since it was paperwork day and “boring,” so she did her best to concentrate.  And yet her mind kept returning to her partner.

Even though she wanted to stay mad at him, she couldn’t hold onto her anger.  When she thought about his attempt to bestow a little movie magic in her life, she found herself touched by his regard for her.  Well, sort of.  It would have been much better if he hadn’t put her life on the line to do it, but still, the gesture was nice.

Which still left her with inappropriate feelings toward him.  Sighing, she propped her elbow on her desk and rested her head in her hand.  What was she going to do?  She really liked him -- _really_ liked him.  He was thoughtful -- okay, thoughtful in a _weird_ way -- and even though he didn’t express them well, his good intentions were sweet.

But, truth be told, he was a womanizer, and she couldn’t be involved with someone like that -- at least, not seriously.  Eventually his indiscretions would rip her heart into shreds... wouldn’t it?

Chloe recalled the moment they’d shared when she had caught Deputy Warden Perry Smith -- when Lucifer had said that he thought her father would be proud of her.  Even now, it still filled her with warmth.  Those weren’t the words of the womanizing, arrogant ass she had first met a year ago.  He was maturing, and she liked what she saw.

Would a relationship with him destroy her?

Oh, yes.  Decimate her, leave her a complete and total wreck.  With Trixie depending on her, she shouldn’t even be thinking of entering a relationship with him, for it would be doomed to fail from the start.

And yet... wouldn’t it be nice to just... try?  Maybe... maybe this time it would be different...?

As if her wishful thinking had called him, the object of her desire walked up to her desk.  Jumping at his unexpected appearance, Chloe felt her face grow red at the sight of his tall, lithe figure.  Oh damn, had he seen the lust on her face?  As panic filled her, she quickly cast her eyes down onto the file on her desk.

_Stay calm... calm...._

When he didn’t say anything, she looked up to see him with his phone out, filming her.  As she paused in her work to give him a puzzled frown, her partner sat down across from her and continued to record.

“Oh, please resume working, Detective.”

Okay, this was downright odd.  “What are you doing?”

He didn’t look up from his device.   “What does it look like?  I am capturing you in your natural environment.”

Chloe’s eyes narrowed.  “Natural environment?  You make me sound like some wild animal.”

“Oh far from a wild animal, Detective -- you are a beautiful, exotic specimen of the human species!”

Her mouth fell open.  Did... did he just compliment her in a bizarre, scientific kind of way?

She scoffed at the thought, even as her cheeks grew warm.  That was ridiculous... just as recording her was ridiculous.  “Lucifer, put the phone down.”

Glancing up, he pursed his lips as his brows drew together in confusion. “But I have it on good authority that women like this sort of thing.”

He was still filming her.  Reaching out, she attempted to take his phone away, but he dodged her hand and kept recording.  Gritting her teeth, Chloe counted to ten and tried to hang on to her thinning patience.  “Women do _not_ like this sort of thing.  Geez, Lucifer, turn that thing off!  This is creepy, even for you!”

Surprise was evident in his voice as he lowered the phone.  “You... you don’t like this?”

“It’s stalkery behavior, Lucifer.  Really stalkery.”

“Oh.  But the movie showed....”  He fell silent.  Before Chloe could ask him what he was talking about, he jumped out of his seat and cried, “Plan B!”

Standing before her, he said, “Eu te acho adorável e corajosa. Você significa tudo pra mim, mesmo que eu não saiba o que isso significa.”

Lucifer stared at her with bright eyes, waiting for a response.  Chloe stared back blankly, wondering what the hell he had just said.  When she shrugged with a confused look on her face, he sighed heavily.

“No?”  He nodded.  “Of course....  I have to find the right language.  Du bist wunderbar und unerschrocken. Du bedeutest mir alles, auch wenn ich nicht genau weiß, was das heißt.”

His eyes grew large and hopeful as he nodded slightly.  Squinting at him, she shook her head, still trying to figure out what he was saying.  What the hell was wrong with him?  Was he trying to make her feel stupid because she couldn’t understand him?

He sighed heavily.  “Right.  How about this?  Je te trouve belle et courageuse. Tu es tout pour moi, même si je ne comprends pas vraiment ce que ça veut dire.”  Giving her a wicked grin, he added, “Dis, on peut coucher ensemble?”

French?  He was speaking French to her?  “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand anything you’re saying.”

Flinging up his arms, he rolled his eyes.  “Bloody hell, Detective, don’t you know _any_ languages?”

She glared at him.  “Yeah, English.”

“But English is _boring!_  This was supposed to work -- it did for Colin Firth!”

Okay, now he was making absolutely no sense whatsoever.

“What is going on with you, Lucifer?” she asked.  But he was already striding away.

“I’ll be right back, Detective.  I must not be doing this right.  I should have used _his_ lines...”

Chloe stared after him, then shook her head.  Obviously, Lucifer was going through one of his weird phases, which was one reason why she shouldn’t get involved romantically with him.  Never mind that he looked awfully adorable as he said whatever he was saying to her.  Repeating “professional relationship” in her head over and over, she tried to concentrate on the file in front of her.

The sound of footsteps brought her head back up.

Lucifer had walked back in with a number of very large placards tucked under one arm, and a boombox in his hand.  Setting the old piece of equipment on her desk, he switched it on, playing “Silent Night.”

“Bugger, that’s the most inappropriate music, but this is sure to work.”  He held up the first card, which read, “Say it’s the carol singers.”

As people turned to look at them, Chloe slammed her hand down on the “stop” button, instantly killing the song.  “What the hell are you doing?!”

Turning the boombox back on, he said, “I’m trying to do this right, Detective!”

She hit “stop” again, then took a hold of his wrist when he reached to hit the “play” button once more.  “It’s the middle of summer, Lucifer!  Why are you playing Christmas music?”

“It’s necessary!  It’s how it’s done!”  He tried to turn the music back on.  They tussled a bit, until the boombox crashed to the floor.  Lucifer’s eyes were sad as he set the cards down by her desk and gazed upon the piece of broken equipment.  “Bloody hell, I had a hard time finding that exact model --”

Grabbing his hand, Chloe dragged him to a quiet corner nearby.   _“What_ is going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

Waving at the placards and the boombox, she asked, “Why are you bringing all of this stuff in and playing Christmas music in the middle of summer?”

He blinked, confusion in his dark eyes.  “Because... because this is how it’s done... isn’t it?”

Chloe felt a headache coming on.  Was it just her, or was the conversation making absolutely no sense?  “How is _what_ done?”

Frowning darkly, Lucifer strode over to pick up the boombox and the placards.  “Well, if you don’t know, I’m not doing it right, am I?”  As he muttered under his breath, she thought she heard him say, “I _knew_ I should have gone with playing the drums....”

With that, he stalked out of the precinct, leaving Chloe to wonder just what had happened.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer said to Chloe in Portuguese, German and French, “I think you’re lovely and brave. You mean everything to me, even though I don’t know what that means.” He also added in French, “Can we sleep together?” This is based on the storyline where Jamie learns Portuguese and proposes to Aurelia (but Lucifer supplied his own lines).
> 
> Lucifer recording Chloe is based on the storyline of Mark, who videotaped his best friend’s girlfriend/wife with whom he’s secretly in love. Also from this story line come the placards and the boombox with “Silent Night” playing.
> 
> The reference to the drums is from the storyline of the young boy, Sam, who learns to play the drums to impress the girl he likes.


	4. Summer Stock

 

 

Well, “Love, Actually” turned out to be a complete and utter failure.

Lucifer returned to the Malibu home, fuming with frustration.  Why couldn’t he make the detective see how awesome he was?  How could he impress her if he kept failing?  Bloody hell, he was the Devil!  Failure wasn’t supposed to be in his vocabulary!

Walking into the house, he was surprised to hear voices, and... music.  His eyebrows rose as he headed toward the hall.  In the spare bedroom, Weaponizer and Findus were watching a movie -- apparently the bird had figured out how to turn on the telly.

At the sight of the fallen angel, Findus dashed over and wrapped herself around his legs, purring loudly.  Weaponizer glanced at him with a smile on his face before looking back at the screen, sitting as close as he possibly could to watch a singing and dancing Gene Kelly.

“You shouldn’t be sitting so close to the telly.  Your eyesight will go bad,” Lucifer scolded, but the penguin paid him no heed.  Reaching down, the fallen angel picked up Findus and sat down on the bed, making himself comfortable.

The current movie was ending, and a new one was starting: “Summer Stock.”  Apparently the cable network was having a Gene Kelly marathon.  Lucifer debated changing the channel, but Weaponizer seemed completely entranced by the musical.  The fallen angel didn’t have the heart to turn it off.  Besides, he remembered the bird’s vicious pecking when he didn’t get his way.  Stroking Findus, Lucifer settled in to watch the movie.  Maybe he could get some ideas.

As he watched the classic, he was bewildered by how much everyone sang and danced.  The main characters sang at almost every turn, and without any provocation whatsoever.  Was that normal?  As far as he knew, no one broke out into song and dance whilst sitting around a dining table, but... maybe that’s how it was done?  And he did like the song that Gene Kelly sang to Judy Garland, as well as the barn dance scene.... Hm.  Maybe this could work....

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Sitting at her desk, Chloe stared off into the distance, the case file in front of her forgotten.

Lucifer hadn’t come to work yet, giving her some time to think about her partner.  He was behaving stranger than normal, and it worried her.  The day before had been so odd, when he had spouted foreign languages at her and brought in placards and music.  He tended to act out when upset -- had something or someone upset him?  Was he in trouble?

She knew she shouldn’t be fretting as much as she was, but she couldn’t help it.  It was just that he was... important to her.  If he was in trouble, she wanted to be there for him.  Trying hard to keep her feelings on a professional level, she told herself it was only because they were partners that she was worried.  They were just friends.  After all, he didn’t feel anything for her -- she had to remember that.

Of course, that didn’t stop _her_ from having feelings for _him...._

As if her thoughts had summoned him, Lucifer came walking into the bullpen.  Her heart thumping in overtime at the sight of him, Chloe struggled to calm down. _Just friends, just friends,_ she reminded herself.  Studying her partner surreptitiously, she was relieved to see that he wasn’t carrying any odd paraphernalia, nor did he have that odd excitable energy humming around him.  Perhaps whatever had been eating at him was over...?

“Hello, Detective,” he greeted with a smile.

“Hey.”  Tilting her head at him, she took in his appearance.  Everything about him seemed normal, right down to his charcoal suit with his snowy white shirt.  She breathed a sigh of relief as her eyes caught on his shoes, which seemed shinier than usual.  “New shoes?”

He preened.  “Yes -- I’m so glad you noticed.  They’re dancing shoes.”

She lifted an eyebrow at him.  “Going dancing?”

“I hope so.”

The gleeful expression on his face made her eyes narrow.  And just who was he going dancing with?  Telling herself that the horrible gnawing at her stomach was just indigestion and not jealousy, she rose to her feet.  “Well, that’s great.  Why don’t you sit down?  I’ll be back -- I need to fetch a file.”

But he didn’t take a seat -- he went with her, walking ahead and backward, facing her the whole way.  Giving her a little smile, he did a little jig with his feet.  When he did, his feet made tapping noises, which had her pausing in her steps.  Was... was he wearing _tap_ shoes?!  Chloe could only stare as he nodded at her, as if waiting for her reaction.

Okay -- this was just bizarre, even for him.  Pushing past him, she resumed walking, but he kept up with her, giving her looks that clearly said, “Join me?” as he danced.   _Tap_ danced.  It was crazy.  Rolling her eyes, she tried to walk down the hall when he suddenly swept her into his arms and danced with her, almost cheek to cheek.

Other detectives stopped to watch the spectacle.  Her face bright red, Chloe grabbed Lucifer’s arm and dragged him into the file room.  Slamming the door shut behind them, she whirled to face him like an angry viper.

“What the _hell_ was that?” she hissed.

He blinked innocently at her.  “Why... dancing.”

The urge to yell was overwhelming, but she kept her voice low and tight.  No need for everyone outside to hear her.  “I _know_ it was dancing! _Why_ are you dancing?”

“Isn’t... isn’t that how it’s done?  I thought everyone broke out into song and dance.”  Before she could answer, he said brightly, “Oh, that’s right!  Now you’re the girl, and I’m the boy --”

 _“Huh?”_  A horrible suspicion latched onto her brain.  “Are you _high?”_

“Here.”  Ignoring her, he pulled up a chair.  “You’re sitting here.”  Beckoning her to have a seat, he kneeled before her.  “And I tell you....”  He began to sing.

“I’m glad I met you,

“You wonderful you....

“I can’t forget you,

“You wonderful you --”

“Okay, this is weird,” Chloe said, rising to her feet and shoving him away from her.

He gaped as he straightened, clearly confused.  “But Detective, I haven’t finished singing --”

“And you’re not going to,” she snapped, even though she thought he sang beautifully, like an angel.

Frowning, he offered her his elbow as he started to tap slowly.  “Right.  Well... then we dance.  A nice, easy dance.  It’s a nice, easy song --”

Knocking his arm away, she gave him her best glare.   _“What_ is going on with you?”

His shoulders sagged as he stood in front of her.  “Right.  I merely thought you might like a little song and dance.”

“Well, I don’t.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.” Marching over to one of the cabinets, she yanked out a case file and stalked out of the room, with Lucifer following close behind.

“I don’t understand,” she heard him mutter.  “Obviously I am doing something wrong.”

As they walked back to her desk, his steps took on a rhythmic tapping.  Everyone turned at the sound as it increased.  Noticing all of the attention they were getting, Chloe’s face grew hot with embarrassment.  Out of the side of her mouth, she whispered, “Stop that.”

Smiling widely, he increased the tapping.  “Do you find this awe-inspiring?”

“I find this mortifying --”

“Hmm...  Then that means I must try harder!”

And with that, he grabbed the case file out of her hands, threw it on the floor, and started dancing.  If she hadn’t been so appalled by his embarrassing behavior, she would have admired the athletic skill he displayed as he easily jumped up on chairs and desks. His body moved with grace and power as he tap danced.  A part of Chloe’s brain figured that he must have learned to tap dance at a young age and probably practiced regularly, although she had never seen him do so.  There was the regular dancing he did at LUX, but it was nothing quite like this.  Obviously he’d perfected his talent... which was, she had to admit, quite impressive.

More and more detectives stopped to watch what Lucifer was doing as he danced on top of the case file and whistled the tune he had sung to her earlier.  The sound of the paper under his feet accentuated the rhythmic tapping, adding to the music.

But when he purposely started tearing the report papers in half with his dancing feet, Chloe put a stop to everything.

Grabbing his arm, she yanked him to her side, breaking his routine.  When Lucifer stopped tapping, disappointed groans went up from the observers as they all filed back to their desks.

“Bloody hell --  I wasn’t done, Detective!” he cried.  “I still had the big finale left to dance --”

“Your big finale is over, Lucifer.  I don’t know what’s going on with you, but this has to stop.”

Her partner’s expression grew anxious as he stared at her.  “But --”

“No buts.”  Crossing her arms, she tilted her head as she squinted at him.  “Are you okay?  You’re not normally quite this... this....”  She waved an arm at him.  “This.”

Briefly looking away, he turned back with a strange expression on his face.  “I am... well.”

“Are you sure?”

Shrugging, her partner stayed silent, but Chloe could see the tic in his jaw.

Sighing, she rubbed her forehead.  She desperately wanted to sit him down and find out what was going on, but now was not a good time -- she had a meeting with Lieutenant Monroe coming up.  “Look, Lucifer, I want to talk to you, but I can’t right now.  Why don’t you go back home and relax?  Maybe the stress of things has been getting to you.”

His face was inscrutable as he gazed down at her.  “Very well, Detective.”

As he turned away, she reached out and touched his sleeve.  “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

He nodded, then started to walk off before pausing and turning back.  “Did you enjoy the dancing, at least?”

“You mean when you weren’t destroying files, jumping all over the chairs and desks, or drawing enormous amounts of attention to yourself?”  Her mouth quirked up.  “Maybe.  I liked watching old Gene Kelly movies when I was young.”

“Ah.”  A soft smile lit his face.  “And... what did you think of me?”

“I think you’re a very good dancer.”

It didn’t seem to satisfy him, for his face fell.  “That’s it?”

She blinked, wondering why he looked so disappointed.  “What else did you want me to say?”

For a long moment he was silent, his jaw working, before he shook his head.  “It's not important.”  With that, he left.

Chloe pursed her lips as she watched her partner stride off.  Worry gnawed at her.  What was going on with him?

Dan walked up to her side and stared at Lucifer’s receding back, as well.  “Did... did he just tap dance on your desk and all over the bullpen?”

Still trying to absorb what had just occurred, she nodded as she bent down and picked up the scattered papers from the floor.  “Yup.”

Her ex helped her gather the documents.  “Wow, that’s crazy, even for Lucifer.”

Her brow furrowed as she remembered the strangeness her partner had exhibited on the previous days.  “He’s been acting weird all week.  Something must be wrong.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Lucifer’s like a little kid sometimes --”

 _“Some_ times?”

Chloe rolled her eyes at her ex as they both stood.  “As I was saying, he’s like a little kid _some_ times, and acts out when he’s upset.”  Frowning, she turned to him.  “I’m worried, Dan.  He isn’t normally like this.  Something must have happened -- I need to talk to him.”

Dan nodded.  “Well, you know him best.  If he’s going through a crisis, then I’m sure he’ll appreciate your concern.”  He was silent a moment, before he said, “Oh, but hey -- Lieutenant Monroe wanted to bump up the meeting on the Ross case and see you right now.  She sent me to fetch you.”

“Okay, I’ll be right there.  Thanks, Dan.”

As she grabbed a file off of her desk to take to the meeting with her superior, Chloe decided that as soon as her work shift was over, she’d track down Lucifer.  He’d either be at LUX or the Malibu house -- at least she hoped so.  The thought of finding him in the middle of some crazy orgy with a million women had her cringing, but her instincts told her he needed help -- desperately.  If he was willing to accept support, she wanted to be there to give it... although she didn’t ask herself why.  Deep down inside she already knew the answer, no matter how much she tried to deny it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer trying to entice Chloe to dance is from the Barn Dance around 1:09, and dancing cheek to cheek is around 1:47:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qioZ3zZK9S8
> 
> Lucifer quoting the movie and singing to Chloe is from “You, Wonderful You,” around 0:27, and offering to dance is around 2:09:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICI_AiZXlOs
> 
> Lucifer’s big dance number in the bullpen is based on Gene Kelly’s “You, Wonderful You” routine with a newspaper and a squeaky board, starting at around 1:03:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vw-qlHuktJs


	5. Having a Heart-to-Heart

 

 

Sighing heavily, Lucifer pulled up in front of the Malibu house and rested his forehead on the steering wheel of his Corvette.  “Summer Stock” hadn’t worked at all, even though he had reproduced Gene Kelly’s famous dance scene perfectly!  Well, almost perfectly -- he’d had to improvise with the setting.  He had failed at impressing the detective, yet again.

Trying to keep his depression at bay, he walked into the house and headed toward the pool, then stopped abruptly at the sight in front of him.  The animals had apparently gotten into his knitting basket after he had gone to the precinct, for the house looked like a giant spiderweb.  Strings of color were everywhere, wrapped around all sorts of objects, including ones that were up so high that Lucifer had no idea how the animals had gotten the yarn on them.

“Bloody hell!”   _Lovely._  This was _just_ what he needed.  Clenching his teeth, he considered putting a straightjacket on Weaponizer -- for there was no doubt that this was his doing.  Unable to leave the house in such a state, he started cleaning up the mess.  Working diligently, he gathered the colorful strings of yarn and bundled them into a ball.  Meanwhile, the two animals watched him from around a corner.

“I expected better behavior from you two,” Lucifer scolded as the pile of yarn got bigger and bigger.  “Honestly!  What is the detective going to say when she sees this mess?”

Weaponizer gave a squawk and waddled up to the fallen angel, grinning at him, before doing a belly flop into the giant mass of wool.  Findus followed closely, throwing herself into the pile and meowing happily as she started clawing and playing with the yarn.  Flinging up his hands, Lucifer gave up cleaning and went over to the couch, where he lay down, flung an arm over his eyes, and let his misery take over.

All his plans were for naught.  He couldn’t impress the detective.  It was impossible -- she was unimpressible.  A horrible emptiness swept through his insides as despair clawed at him.  He would be alone forever.  These days he didn’t feel like having sex with anyone but the detective, and with her impervious to his charms, it meant he was doomed to a life without sex for the rest of his eternal existence.  The fact that it wasn’t the lack of sex that was killing him but rather that Chloe didn’t see him as special was something he completely ignored.

As he lay there, wallowing in self pity, Findus made her way over to him and leaped up onto the couch to curl on his chest.  It wasn’t long before Weaponizer came alongside the cushions and started honking loudly until Lucifer lifted the contrary bird and set him next to the kitten.

“Some friend _you_ are,” he complained as the bird snuggled with Findus.  “The least you could do is help me, but no... you don’t care because you already have the one you want.”

Ignoring the fallen angel, Weaponizer gave a soft coo to his girlfriend.  When she licked his cheek, he opened his beak as if grinning and let out a trill.

“Right.  Go ahead, rub it in.”  Lucifer sighed heavily as the animals closed their eyes.  “Everyone’s life is better than mine.”  Careful not to disturb them, he leaned over and took a peek inside the knitting basket by the couch.  Most of the balls of yarn were gone, but two colors remained -- red and green.  Plucking his needles out of the basket as well as the two balls, he started to knit.

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

Chloe breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Lucifer’s Corvette parked outside the Malibu house.  She hadn’t been completely sure that he would be here, and was thankful she had guessed right.  Pulling up behind the black convertible, she parked her car, then went inside.

The house was quiet and gloomy when she entered.  Surprised that Lucifer hadn’t turned on any lights, she called out his name.

He sprung upright on the couch and looked at her over the backrest, his hair adorably askew and his face full of surprise.  His clothes were mussed, as if he had been sleeping in them.

“Detective!”  He scrambled to his feet and walked up to her.

She switched on some overhead lights to see better.  “Did I wake you?”

“Huh?  Oh.  Ah, right.  No.  Just... lying here with the animals.”  He waved behind him as Findus and Weaponizer came up to greet Chloe.  As she petted them and gave them hugs, he said, “Right.  What are you doing here?”

“You’ve been acting weird all this week.  Jumping off buildings, speaking to me in foreign languages, singing and tap dancing -- it’s not normal.  I wanted to check up on you, see if you are okay.”

“I’m fine, Detective.”  A look of chagrin came over his face.  “I’ve just been... working through some things.”

Her eyebrows rose.  “Oh?  Like what?”

“Would you like to sit down?”  He waved at the stools lined up along the kitchen’s long counter.  “I’m afraid this is the only place that’s... well, not covered with yarn.”

Nodding, she followed him to the dining area, noting all the yarn everywhere as they walked.  “I see the animals have been busy.”

“The little monsters decided to redecorate.  I tried to clean it up, but....”  His mouth quirked into a wry smile.  “As you can see, I didn’t get far.”

“I’ll help you clean later.”  She slipped onto a dining stool and patted the one beside her.  “Sit down, let’s talk.”  As he hesitantly took a seat, she studied him.  His posture was slumped, and his eyes were full of sorrow.  He looked... depressed, which contrasted sharply with his usual lust for all things life had to offer.  “What happened?  Why are you acting so oddly?”

“I was....”  Breaking off, he ran his hand through his hair.  “Must we talk about this?”

“Yes.  You’re my partner and I hate to see you upset.  Besides, you’ve been acting really weird.”

His shoulders hunched forward as he planted his elbows on the counter and cradled his face in his hands.  “I was trying to... impress someone, but she didn’t care for my efforts.”

Shock, then intense jealousy stabbed Chloe’s insides like a knife, taking her completely by surprise.  Breathing deeply, she tried her best to quell her instant hatred of the object of her partner’s affections.  Was this what his strange behavior had been about -- a woman?  Chloe reviewed all of the strange things he had done.  Lucifer must have been so crushed by this mystery woman that he had acted out in order to alleviate his pain.  Her heart thumped painfully at the thought of him being _that_ enamored of someone.  Usually he didn’t have to go through any trouble, for women just flocked to him.  For him to take the time to try to impress the mystery woman meant that his feelings ran deep -- and that hurt.

Cursing herself for being overly cautious and hesitating to act on her feelings for Lucifer, Chloe planted a smile on her face and tried to be encouraging.  “Well.  Well....  Are you sure you didn’t leave an impression?”

He slid a glance her way.  “I left an impression, but I’m afraid it wasn’t a favorable one.”

She tried to keep the hope from her voice.  “Well... if she wasn’t impressed, then maybe she’s not worth the effort.”

“Oh, she is, believe me.”

Chloe’s heart sunk at his words.  “Oh.”  Struggling for composure, she resisted the urge to kick herself across the room for not acting on her feelings faster.  Of _course_ she would realize she wanted him just when he grew interested in someone else.  As pain spread through her chest, she called herself all sorts of a fool.  And yet, like a glutton for punishment, she couldn’t stop herself from asking, “What makes her so special?”

A long minute passed as Lucifer studied her with an indecisive expression on his face, before he swallowed hard and looked off into the distance.  As he did so, his stressed appearance faded and a soft smile touched his lips.  “She’s... different.  Smart... compassionate, strong... and braver than anyone I know.  I wanted to impress her to have sexy times, but it didn’t work.”  He dropped his gaze to the table.

Chloe gnashed her teeth at his words, but tried to be supportive.  “Well, if sex is all you want from her, I’m sure that wouldn’t be hard for you to arrange.”  After all, women fell over him all the time.  Maybe if he slept with this paragon of virtue, he’d get her out of his system....

“But that’s the thing, Detective.”  He frowned as he glanced at her, then away.  “It’s not all I want from her.  I don’t want to just have sex with her.  I mean... I _do_ want to have sex with her, but I’d be perfectly happy just making her dinner, protecting her, and listening to her tell me about her day.  If that’s all she could give me, I’d still be happy just as long as she let me stay by her side.”

Chloe hadn’t thought she could feel any lower, but she did.  She attempted to keep a smile pinned on her face, although she was sure it looked a bit on the sickly side.  “It sounds like you have deep feelings for her.”

Fear filled his face, surprising her.  Lucifer wasn’t afraid of anything....

“Oh, no,” he said.  “No, you’re mistaken.   I can’t.”

Her eyebrows shot up.  “You can’t?”

Biting his lower lip, he merely shook his head.

“Why not?”  When he still didn’t say anything, she reached over and squeezed his hand.  Seeing him so distressed struck a chord deep within her.  He needed her.  Casting off her petty jealousy as best she could, she spoke very gently, as if soothing a frightened animal.  “You can talk to me, Lucifer.”

For a long moment he gazed at her before he finally nodded.  “Right.”  He took a deep breath.  “It’s because... because....”  A rueful chuckle burst from his lips.  “It’s hard to explain.  She’s... lovely.  Kind.  Supportive.  Confident.  And her heart is... beautiful.  When I realized how perfect she was, I started to feel... I wanted....”

When he didn’t continue, she urged, “Go on.”

“She’s my everyth -- that is I lo--  I mean, I thought....  Well, it doesn’t matter what I thought.  It occurred to me that I cannot afford to have deep feelings for her.”  Pulling his hand from hers, he started tracing an intricate design on the counter.  “I tried not to.  I told myself I didn’t, that I didn’t know what I wanted.”

Mystified at his answer, she asked, “Why?”

“Why?  Because....”  He pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Because deep feelings mean... pain.  Betrayal.  I... I can’t take that -- not from her.  Keeping our relationship strictly about sex would keep me... safe.”

A wave of pity overcame Chloe as she studied her partner.  Apparently he had been hurt so badly in the past that he was scared to enter into a real relationship.  “But Lucifer, is a meaningless affair with this woman all you really want?”

Looking up sharply at that, she saw that his eyes were incredibly sad.  “I can’t afford to have anything else -- and at least it would let me be by her.”  His mouth tightened as his gaze returned to the counter.  “It’s inevitable, Detective.  Like the turning of the tide.  She _will_ hurt me, and I will be destroyed.”

She was shocked by his fatalistic attitude.  “You don’t know that --”

“Oh, I know.”  He laughed, but it was a humorless sound.  “She doesn’t know the real me.  There are things about me that would send her screaming in terror, or mayhap drive her insane.  I’m a monster, Detective.  Once she finds that out, she will hate me... despise me... and... and I can’t bear....”  He rubbed his eyes wearily.

Seeing the hurt and self-loathing on his face, Chloe reached out and squeezed his hand again.  “You are not a monster -- you’re a good man.  If she has any feelings for you, it won’t matter what you’ve done in the past.  What matters is who you are right now, at this instant.”  Straightening, she let a hint of her emotions come through in her voice.  “And if she can’t see that, then she’s an idiot and not worth your time.”

Gazing at her with surprise in his eyes, Lucifer said softly, “Detective --”  He released a pent-up breath.  “Do you think... do you really think she can... accept me?”

“I do.”

“Then... maybe... there is hope.”  His face softened as he gave her a gentle smile.

“There is always hope.”  She smiled back at him as her insides squeezed painfully at his tender expression.  Seeing how committed he was to this other woman made Chloe’s heart shrivel up and die.  Taking a deep breath, she released his hand and tried to hide her hurt with a robust voice.  “So what are you planning to do now?”

Her partner sighed.  “I don’t know.  My efforts to impress her failed miserably.  She doesn’t think I’m anything special.”

“Are you sure?”

A rueful chuckle burst from him.  “Oh, very sure, Detective.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Well, no....”

“Then how do you know for sure?”  Chloe took a deep breath.  She couldn’t believe she was helping Lucifer get together with another woman -- she was an idiot.  “Maybe she didn’t understand what you were trying to do.”

He stared at her in bewilderment.  “Well... there _is_ that possibility.  I never thought....”

“Look, why not try the direct approach and ask her out?”  God, it hurt so much to say that.

“Ask --”  Lucifer looked horrified.  “I-I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“Right.  She might say no.  Nay, she will most certainly say no.  I... I can’t ask.”  He looked away.  “I wouldn’t know what to do if she rejected me.“

His lack of self-confidence, so rare to see in him, tugged at Chloe’s heart.  Clenching her hands into fists, she resisted the urge to give him a hug.  “But Lucifer, what if she says yes?  You might be missing out on a chance of a lifetime.”

He squeezed his eyes shut.  “Nothing ever goes well for me, Detective.”

“You never know until you try, Lucifer.  This time might be different.”  She gave him an encouraging smile that felt altogether fake.  “Isn’t she worth taking a chance on?”

His eyes flew open, smoldering with intensity.  “Oh yes, she definitely is.”

“Then put your trust in her.  Ask her out.”

He seemed to take her words to heart, for he asked, “But... what do I say?”

“Say, ‘will you go out with me?’”

“That’s it?”

“Yes.”  When he still looked doubtful, she added, “Look, you’ll be fine.  If you’re nervous, give her some flowers.”

“Flowers!”  He immediately brightened.  “Right.  Wait one moment.”  Dashing over to the couch, he picked something up from the cushions.  When he turned around, Chloe was surprised to see a bouquet of red roses in his arms.  No -- not roses.  As he returned to her, she saw that the flowers were expertly knitted replicas.

“Oh, that’s a sweet gesture, giving her a bouquet of flowers that won’t die,” she said as she struggled to keep the envy out of her voice.  The temptation to tear them out of his hands and stomp all over them was very great, but she managed to keep the impulse under control.

“Right. That was my line of thinking.”  His eyes were loving as he stared down at the bouquet.

Chloe wanted to scream at the expression on his face, but instead she gave him a wobbly smile.  “So you’re all set now.  All you have to do is ask.”

“Right.”  His face grew pale, and he closed his eyes for a moment.   Then he took a deep breath and said, “Will you go out with me?”

Oh, if only he meant it!  Chloe nodded encouragingly.  “Perfect.  Ask her just like that, Lucifer.”

For a moment he stared at her with a dumbfounded expression on his face and his mouth agape.  “That’s not what I....  I mean -- will you go out with me?”

“That’s right, saying it again will give you confidence --”

 _“Nay,_ Detective -- will _you_ go out with me?”

She gaped at him.  “Me?”  Was that little squeak her voice?

He nodded.  “Yes.  Will you go out with me?”

Her mind went blank.  She couldn’t think.  What about the mystery woman -- the one that he had such deep feelings for?  The one he had been trying to --

Oh.

Jumping off the building.  The placards with the music.  The song and dance.  He had been trying to impress _her._

Heat rushed up her neck and into her cheeks, turning her face pink.  No one had ever gone to such lengths to impress her.  It had never occurred to her that Lucifer felt anything for her.  Oh, he had flirted with her, but he flirted with everyone.  She had thought it was just his typical playboy self.  She had never imagined that... he....  Her heart started dancing a little jig as warmth spread throughout her insides.

He was still waiting for her answer, his eyes full of doubt.

“Me?” she repeated.  Dammit, why couldn’t she seem to get any other word out of her mouth?

“I knew it.”  His shoulders suddenly sagged and he tossed the knitted flowers on the counter.  “Never mind.”  He started to stalk away, hurt evident in every line of his body.  “I’m a fool.  A bloody fool.”

Oh god, he was leaving.  He was leaving, thinking that she didn’t want to go out with him!  “Wait!”

He turned, keeping his eyes averted from her, but said nothing.

“Ask me again.”  She tried to steady her shaking voice.

“Whatever for?  So you can tell me no to my face?”  His voice was filled with a bitterness she had never heard before, making her cringe inwardly.

“Ask me again.”

_Come on, Lucifer...._

He rolled his eyes.  “Oh, very well.  Will you --”

“Yes.”  She could barely keep the excitement out of her voice.

His mouth fell open.  “Yes?”

With a big smile on her face, she nodded enthusiastically.  “Yes.”

For a long moment he just stared at her in shock.  Then his face lit up like a thousand suns and he cried, “Really?”

Her heart lighter than air, she grinned at his joy and nodded.  Okay, so he was a playboy and her partner, but he had _feelings_ for her.  Surely everything would work out...?  She had come so close to losing him -- she wasn’t about to let that happen again!

“Well!  Well.  I... I never expected....”  His face grew bright red as he suddenly turned bashful, looking down at his feet and sneaking shy gazes at her.

“I know, me too.”  An awkward silence fell between them as her blush deepened, and she looked away.  Every few seconds she stole a peek at his profile, and when their eyes met by chance, they both looked away quickly.

“Right.  I... I don’t know what to say....” As they finally made solid eye contact, she saw his eyes sparkle like stars in the sky.  “So... which one of my attempts impressed you?  Was it the dancing and singing?  The rooftop excursion?”

She laughed.  “Definitely not the rooftop excursion.”

“Then the languages?”

“Actually, none of it.”

“Oh.”  He slumped, then looked at her in confusion.  “Then why...?”

Giving him a tender smile, she said, “Because you think about me.  You take care of me, protect me -- even when I don’t need protecting.  And you earn bonus points by being so good with Trixie.  You’re a wonderful man, Lucifer.  A good man.  And that impresses me.”

His face grew even darker red, the color even reaching the tips of his ears  “Well... well.  I... well!”

“Are you blushing?” she teased.

An appalled look came over his face.  “Of course not!  The Devil never blushes!”

Giggling, she reached out to caress his cheek, but faltered when Weaponizer started honking like a mad thing.  They both turned to see the penguin completely tangled in the giant mass of rolled up yarn while Findus clawed at the strings to get him out.

Lucifer rolled his eyes.  “Oh, bloody hell.  That bird has the worst timing....”

They both hurried over to the penguin.  He was so badly trapped that Chloe ran to get a pair of scissors.  After they cut him out, She looked around and sighed.  “We better get this place cleaned up, and then I have to go home.  Trixie’s waiting.”  Turning to her partner, she asked shyly, “Would you like to... come over?”

“I would like that.”  He smiled back, his expression gentle.  “I would like that very much.”

As they worked together in silence, they stole more shy glances at each other.  Chloe would have laughed at the sudden awkwardness between them, if she hadn’t been so happy.  Dizzy with the knowledge that Lucifer had feelings for her, she looked ahead to the future, her eyes shining bright with hope.

 

  


 


End file.
